Reflection

"Dwelling on the past only blinds you to the future."

3:33. 
It is 3:33 and I feel as if the only thing existing right now, this very minute, is only me. Everything, animate (like me sister) or inanimate, around me is at a standstill. I haven't much to do at this hour, so I might as well reflect on the disaster that is my life. OK  I might be exaggerating just a bit but it definitely is not how I would have pictured it a year or two ago. My grades have slipped and I am conscious about that, and it sucks. It sucks when things don't go according to plan. It sucks when you lose the drive to the simpler things in life like do good in school. It sucks knowing that you have failed. Even more so, it sucks knowing you have failed others in the process of failing yourself. 

Of my brother and sister, and myself, I have always been the "brightest crayon in the box." But what good is that if this bright crayon refuses to color? That is, what good is it being the "smartest" if I don't even use that "talent" as my 10th grade teacher would call it. I wouldn't call myself lazy... it's just that I've lost the drive to succeed altogether. I'm not ranked number one and not even getting straight A's for the remainder of my high school years will put in the top 10 students. So , why even try? It's not that I'm not making any efforts, because believe me, I AM. My problem is I don't exercise my true, full potential. What a waste, really. 

Just stop!

My mom is getting on my last nerve. I'm seconds away from flipping a table. (kidding, lol) I'm simply informing her that I'm going to go to Wal-Mart to buy new color pencils and she doesn't want to let me go. Like, hello mother, I did not ask you for money.All I did was inform you of what I planned to purchase with my own money. I'm spending five dollars tops from the money I have earned at work... Her solution: sharpen the color pencils  Geez, I wonder why that never crossed my mind!? I've let too many people use my color pencils. If and when (I WILL) I buy myself a new set, I will let no one use them. I am not going to lend people my color pencils only to have them destroyed (okay, maybe I'll let a select few borrow them with my supervision). However, that's not the only reason why I'm aggravated, obviously. Not a drama queen here. I don't get bugged by the slightest thing nor do I blog about something so petty. My aggravation is an accumulation of instances where I have been upset or whatever...felt some sort of emotion. It's just her today in general and I'm fed up (I am not been dramatic. I understand from a parental standpoint that kids might often be annoying and parents also get fed up. She's just being unnecessarily annoying and not comprehensive). Also, mother has been trying to turn the argument and make us (her kids) seem ungrateful when really she is the one being absurd (not ungrateful, just wanted to clarify that I am not calling her ungrateful) and making a mountain out of a molehill. It's such a selfish thing to say. She's just saying that we don't want to help her and blahh blahhh blahhh and how we always want to put ourselves first. I call shaningans! Awkward. reference. We want to put ourselves first. First. She is telling us this when she is the one who wants to put herself first. So technically, she is pointing her finger to the wrong person(s). My argument may be unclear or it may appear to be a weightless argument but trust me, I know what I am talking about. I guess I just don't know how to properly express how I feel. Whatever.

I feel better now, though, having put into words how I feel. Notice that I did not say I put how I feel into words properly.

A little too late...

Man o man how I wish my grades were straight A's. That'll probably be the thing I regret the most upon graduating high school. Heck, I regret it now :P Oh well.

A friend of mine told me earlier today that she got accepted into UPenn full ride!!! That lucky duck. I'm so happy for her. I wish that would be what's in store for me next year but I know it's not, sadly.

Awkward.

I wish I was cool like Jenna. I wish I had an anonymous blog commenter.

My typa weather.

Today seemed extra long. Well, to start off, I woke up around 4:30  to do my AP Bio timeline presentation (NOTE: I always do my homework in the morning. It's peaceful at home around that time, obviously lol). I literally finished like at 7:40 (but I'd deduct about thirty minutes for the time I actually spent on it... I dressed and urinated and stuff.. you know, the typical morning routine). At least it was pretty. I was proud of it. Then I finally got to school with a minute to spare. Just in time for the district writing assessment. I was happy because the prompt was super easy! We had recently discussed a topic similar to the prompt so doing the essay was a walk in the park. When I finished, I did some stupid AP Bio HW which my teacher didn't even check!! I should have read the final two chapters for AP English instead -__- Lesson learned. The rest of the day was alright. Nothing special. I will mention one thing: I'm super scared to turn in my Biozone book for grading in AP Bio! I have been meaning to turn it in to my teacher but she really scares me. I don't take being screamed at well. Oh well. I'm going to try to turn it in tomorrow morning. I just hope God is with me tomorrow morning and she has mercy on me. Does that even make sense? Whatever, this is just a blog post. Nothing formal :p

Oh I forgot to mention that I loved today's weather! I love cold, gloomy-ish days :)

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that mean? *song reference* Guess who just opened a banking account? Not this girl :( lol Just kidding! I am happy that I have an account. First majorish step towards becoming more independent. Debby (name of my debit card, creative, I know), it's just you and me against the world baby!

Get over it!

I respect the fact that Jenni Rivera is probably dead as the circumstances would lead one to believe, but OMG I'm getting a bit annoyed! No, not because of her specifically but because of my mother. My mom has literally been listening to anything Jenni Rivera since yesterday afternoon when she picked me up from work. From radio stations to the TV, that woman has done nothing but listen to the same things be repeated. Dead or not, no new information has surfaced. Today when I got home from school, I expected to come home to a nice, recently cooked meal but got nothing. I mean that wasn't completely her [my mother's] fault because technically we were on modified schedule today at school...so I got home like two hours early. Even still, I asked her to make me some chicken nuggets and she told me to make them myself while her ass sat down glued to the couch watching her Jenni Rivera update poop. I did end up doing them myself... I honestly didn't mind. What I minded was the fact that she's a stay at home mom. I kinda expect a home cooked meal. Then I took a nap and I just woke up like twenty minutes ago (AWESOME two hour nap by the way) and went to the living room where she was surprisingly watching Jenni Rivera updates *sarcasm* and I asked my sister something and all mother had to say was for us to go talk elsewhere. What did I have to say? I told her "Esta muerta!" lol. That was a bit funny, maybe slightly cold-hearted. But it's true. I have heard nothing indicating otherwise. She still wanted me to leave, though. To add to her lethargic state as I would like to call it, all she cooked for dinner was beans and some meat for my father, and possibly my brother since he'll eat anything. Beans for us girls.Yay. Now, on any other given day I might have been okay with this because I personally love beans but today, I am associating her lack of cooking to her lethargic state and complete devotion to watching the Jenni Rivera updates. Like hello mother, in case you forgot, you've got a family to feed and tend to!